I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the day after is always just damage control
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
