im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
