I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
