Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
