I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
