The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
In other news, I just burned my penis
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
