just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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