Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You may now shotgun with the bride
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
