you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just pee around me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
