hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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