we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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