I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
