I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
