i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
