i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
