How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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