Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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