weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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