So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
