what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
