I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
