What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
