Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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