Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
