I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
