Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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