I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
