I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
