whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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