Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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