3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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