Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
