I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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