those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
