dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
