Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
