I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
