This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
