He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
