So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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