just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She needs sedatives and a leash
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
