Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
