4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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