I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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