when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
