I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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