I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
