My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
