And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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