Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
