You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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