Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
