if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
and you fell through a lawn chair
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
